"Those who live in the Lord never see each other for the last time."
What is friendship? How would you
describe your friendship(s)? If you
will, permit me to pass on a story I enjoy sharing every now-and- again when
the topic of friendship comes up.
My dad
was my best teacher on the subject of life’s lessons. Did I always get it? Most times, no. But now that life has thrown me a few curve
balls, I get it. I get them all! Anyway, this is how my lesson on the matter of friendship
went.
Holding up one of his massive hands, my Dad said:
“Janet,” in that special firm tone he used when he was about to hit
me with one of those difficult life lessons, “how many fingers do you see?” Confused, and wondering where we were going, I replied, “five.” And what he told me next, I will never forget
because I realize today that he absolutely spoke the truth. “if you have more
friends than you have fingers on one hand, you have far too many.” And nothing else...conversation over. I didn’t
understand; I was clueless. BUT, what I really didn't understand was the chill crawling up my spine. Wow. I thought I was SUPPOSE to have lots of friends. My dad was a wise man who knew the heart, soul and
spirit of his daughter ( I was a carbon copy of him). I was to learn later, he was preparing me for some lessons in PEOPLE.
Understanding the
‘real’ essence of friendship, I believe that ‘FIVE’ people can’t be your
friend…simply can not. Being a friend is
the sharing of one heart; one soul; one mind; one spirit; and one LOVE. Aristotle said a friend is a single soul,
dwelling in two bodies. How likely is more than five people doing the aforementioned.
My research on the
topic brought me to the following article:
A Personal Relationship That Is Reciprocated
It's not enough to see a person at, say,
book group each week and enjoy their company. In order for a friend to truly be
considered a friend, he or she has to also believe you are their friend also. This
can get tricky, because most people have a different idea of what friendship
really means. Some people are instantly trusting of new people, and accept them
into their heart without question. For these types of folks, they assume
someone is their friend until they find out otherwise.
Other people,
however, might act "friendly" with someone but not consider them a
friend for quite a while. Perhaps these types of people need to get know
someone better before they even consider labeling them as a friend. Or perhaps
they already have a lot of friends and therefore wouldn't consider someone they
see at book club and nowhere else a friend.
This can cause
issues, especially when someone counts on a person they believe to be a friend
only to find out they were wrong. It's a not perfect world, but in terms of
friendship, someone who is genuinely a friend usually:
•Has told you that you are a friend or
has introduced you as their friend.
•Has called or emailed you about meeting
for coffee, lunch, etc.
•Has done something nice for you.
•Is sincerely interested when you talk
about your life.
•Roots for you and wants the best for
you.
•Is willing to hang out with you outside
of the place you first met (work, book group, exercise class).
Friends Are Kind and Act As a Positive Influence in Your Life It should go without saying
that real friends make you feel good, as opposed to bring you down. People who
are genuinely your friend put your relationship above being right or trying to
feel superior. If someone constantly puts you down, he or she is not a real
friend.
However, people have
bad days and act imperfect, so there are times when a true friend will be
negative or hurt your feelings. The way to determine if they are really a
friend (as opposed to something more negative like a enemy) is to look at the
whole of your relationship. Don't look at moments alone, but consider:
•How does this person make you feel when
you're with them?
•Do you look forward to seeing them?
•Can you share your joy freely? Or do
you feel you need keep quiet about your own good news when you're around them?
If someone is really
your friend, they act in a kind manner. They do nice things for you. (If they
kindly ask you to do things for them without ever reciprocating, chances are
they aren't really a friend.) Friends don't keep score, but there is a balance
to the relationship. Sometimes one friend might be in the
"spotlight," while the other is cheering them on. Friends should
trade off in giving each other the "floor" in a conversation and in
life, and should understand when the moment is their friends and not theirs.
Friends Are People
You See on a Regular Basis
The other key
component to friendship is a real, face-to-face, relationship. This isn't to
say that after you have established a friendship, you can't still be friends
with them once they move away. However, in order to have a real friendship in
the beginning, you do have to see and spend time with each other.
While online
friendships can serve a place in your life, they aren't the same as a real
friendship. To that end, the term "friendship" does get applied to
many situations today, from loyal customers to people you don't even know and
will never meet. But that doesn't mean these people are truly your friends.
If you need to
qualify the definition of a friend in your life (my work friend, my Facebook
friend), then chances are it isn't a real friendship, but is instead a
different type of relationship. Online friendships can be a bonus in your life,
but only if you also have face-to-face friends to spend time with and be there
for you. In terms of friendship, you cannot replace the human connection.
I leave you with a
precious quote:
"Friends
are friends forever, if the Lord is the Lord of them
and a friend will not say never, because the welcome will not end
though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands I know
That a lifetime's not too long... to live as friends."
and a friend will not say never, because the welcome will not end
though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands I know
That a lifetime's not too long... to live as friends."
-Michael W Smith
In
Christ,
Playwright
Janet Irene Thomas
Founder/CEO
Bible
Stories Theatre of
Fine
& Performing Arts (BSTFPA)
